Guest Post: To Kiss or Not To Kiss
This is a post from my dear friend Shope at 3Fourteen that was reposted with her permission. You can read the original post here.
Lots of us have questions on how we should date as Christians. We ask about the do’s and don’ts of “dating”, some want a checklist for things, or a timeline for how things should work out. The Bible only talks about being single and being married; there’s really nothing on dating. I guess in those days, people did not date, you would just be given a wife/husband. It would have been interesting if Adam had to date Eve for a while. Although the Bible does not talk about dating or how to go from being single to being married, we do get a guideline of what God expects of us, and how we are meant to relate with people. I’ll be discussing a few topics as time goes on….But for today *drum-roll* To kiss or not to kiss?
I did a little survey yesterday asking people what they think God says about kissing/making out. A lot of people said they were unsure, some said it’s based on conviction.
The Bible does not say “Thou shalt not kiss before marriage” but I believe the Bible teaches that ALL sexual activity outside of marriage is sin.
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NLT)
Kissing is sexual activity and it makes us lust after the person. But is it possible for kissing not to be a sexual activity and to kiss without lust? Yes, if you’re kissing your mum or your brother! Chances are very slim that I will kiss someone I think is good looking, or someone I’m into and not have lust after the person or have extra desires. So I don’t really buy the “just kissing” thing. I used to be an avid supporter but that was just for my selfish desires. So if you would describe a kiss with someone you fancy as holy & honorable and not passionate lust then fair enough. 1 Timothy 5 tells us to treat men/women as our brothers/sisters with ABSOLUTE purity. Absolute is 100%. Complete. Purity is such a big deal with God.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.- Ephesians 5:3 (NIV– emphasis added)
I think God’s standards are pretty clear. God calls us to present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto Him. We should be dead to the flesh and our earthly nature. I’m not saying it’s easy, because I know it’s not. But we should remember that our bodies are the temple of God, and every time we are sexually immoral, we desecrate it; our bodies should be kept a fitting dwelling place for HIM because he owns our bodies, we should therefore act accordingly.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV)
It’s easy to try to justify things we do and say things like, “Well, that’s a gray area.” But if we’re honest with ourselves, we know that God does not agree with it.
If there are any young girls out there who say they can kiss their boyfriend and not lust after him or not be tempted to go further, then let’s just say……you’re way better of a Christian than I am! lol If you really dig in the Scriptures and seek to know truth, you will be able to see that this isn’t a gray area. Even if a kiss could be JUST a kiss, I still don’t want to open that gift before it’s ready to be opened(i.e. my wedding day). Great post! Simple, but to the point.
Exactly! I also want to know that girl’s secret for maintaining a pure heart and mind while kissing her boyfriend. I couldn’t agree more. This isn’t a gray area; it’s just a really difficult truth to accept (and even more so to implement in our lives). Can I quote the last line of your comment (about a kiss being a gift)?! That’s great!
Yes, you may! But just don’t attribute it to me specifically because it’s not completely original. I’m not quoting anybody verbatim, but I have heard it described that way before 🙂
Absolutely agree. So true! Thanks for making this plain.
Thank you for reading, Holly!
Great post! I think when I was dating I “believed” what I wanted to believe. And that got me in trouble. If I could go back, I think I would have handled things differently. I love that she is able to look past her own “selfish desires” (that we all have) and to really look into what God wants from her and for her (and us). Thanks for sharing!
Couldn’t agree more, Morgan. She did a great job getting to the ‘heart’ of the matter. Thank you for reading and sharing your honest insights! We all have things we wish we could’ve done differently…
She did an excellent job! I agree with her 100% because I believe we should flee from lust instead of making excuses about it!